I am still awaiting the surge of joy from my HK session, which was a week ago but feels like a lifetime ago. It made me go to some really deep places. Within that space of a week I’ve lost control and forgot what decisions I’ve made and what I have and haven’t done. Maybe I’m finally relaxing a little? Going with the flow? I’m used to delving deep into my own mind but right now, I’m happy skimming the surface and I’ll trust whatever’s happening, it’s a bizarre feeling. I feel as though I’m missing something but in the long run, this may prove to be a good thing and I can dive straight into those deeper thoughts only when absolutely necessary. Maybe it’s just come to the point where I just need to have complete trust and self belief in everything I’m doing, stop over thinking and over analysing and go with whatever my intuition tells me. It may be best. My body is telling me right at this very moment that I need to sit and complete all my schoolwork, but I’m ignoring it for some unknown reason, maybe because I don’t want to make the effort. However my body knows what’s best for me, my body keeps telling me that I need to boost up my water intake again and I know this due to the familiar dry sensation I’m so used to in my mouth.
I’m also being told that I really need to get away for a while, I need to set my feet upon a French street, within a boulangerie, a patisserie, chocolaterie and explore the quaint and quirky things I love so much about that country. Maybe I will get there and realise it’s not for me, however I would be rather surprised if that did it happen. I feel as though it’s more likely that I’ll end up staying there because I’m so happy. My mum said to me a couple of months ago “You go to France, be happy” and I don’t think she realises the effect it had on me.
If you skim the surface of thoughts in your mind, you’re more likely to explore and experience in life, where as you delve too deep and your mind becomes this mousetrap of what ifs and what could have been. I know it’s time to let go now, maybe I’ll be more proactive with everything.
Something inside told me to quit my job as it would be for the best, that's what I did.
L x
Thursday, 18 February 2010
Tuesday, 16 February 2010
Stephanie Joanna Smith
This is for you. Blondie&Brunette saving the Earth one day at a time.
You know when you have a true friend when you don't even have to speak to one another when you're together; it's lovely to just be sat in one another's company.
Our friendship blossomed sat on the bus. When one day, I was sat on my own and you came and asked if you could sit with me. The rest is history. Haha, no, really, something happened, we clicked, on the same wavelength kind of thing. People used to say we were alike before we were even friends, they would even say we looked alike, especially when you had your hair cut shorter. How weird to think it was 4 years ago (I think!) when our friendship began.
But anyway, I owe you many a thank you’s and I have no idea where to even start writing or what to start thinking now as all I can think about is the fact that in 3 months time, school will be over and we shall not see each other every day, which will be just plain wrong. Our bus journey is almost over darling, you know what I’m talking about, and this is making me tear up right now, however I know we’ll both have window seats on the next journey we take, whether it be together or not, whether we’ll be opposite sides of the world, we’ll sort something out.
When I moved here, 6 years and 7 months ago, I couldn’t imagine the pain in making friends and building friendships again and never in my wildest dreams did I think about making a best friend like you, but I did. A friend who insists on me not apologising all the time for things I do or say, who sticks by me, believes in my dreams more than I do, tells me to go for everything and encourages me and influences me every single day without even knowing. You go to school and I know you’re not feeling good, and you know I’m not either, you always pick me up though first, then I pick you up and it works. We’re a team. You know I’m always here and I know you’re always here too.
Your dreams are just as big as mine and yours are much more difficult to achieve, but it doesn’t matter because I know for a fact you will. You’re already an actress in my eyes, you don’t have to have been nominated for an Oscar or been part of a Hollywood blockbuster to be called an actress, an actress is someone who can give another’s mind, body and soul a voice and with that, bring it all to life and I’ve seen you do that.
You know for a fact, there is ton more I could write here but I don’t think I will, I just needed to put out to the world what an indescribable friend you are. I’m going to write you a letter actually for you to open on our last day of school.
Love L x
p.s. This is the first of a series of blogs about people who influence me in life.
You know when you have a true friend when you don't even have to speak to one another when you're together; it's lovely to just be sat in one another's company.
Our friendship blossomed sat on the bus. When one day, I was sat on my own and you came and asked if you could sit with me. The rest is history. Haha, no, really, something happened, we clicked, on the same wavelength kind of thing. People used to say we were alike before we were even friends, they would even say we looked alike, especially when you had your hair cut shorter. How weird to think it was 4 years ago (I think!) when our friendship began.
But anyway, I owe you many a thank you’s and I have no idea where to even start writing or what to start thinking now as all I can think about is the fact that in 3 months time, school will be over and we shall not see each other every day, which will be just plain wrong. Our bus journey is almost over darling, you know what I’m talking about, and this is making me tear up right now, however I know we’ll both have window seats on the next journey we take, whether it be together or not, whether we’ll be opposite sides of the world, we’ll sort something out.
When I moved here, 6 years and 7 months ago, I couldn’t imagine the pain in making friends and building friendships again and never in my wildest dreams did I think about making a best friend like you, but I did. A friend who insists on me not apologising all the time for things I do or say, who sticks by me, believes in my dreams more than I do, tells me to go for everything and encourages me and influences me every single day without even knowing. You go to school and I know you’re not feeling good, and you know I’m not either, you always pick me up though first, then I pick you up and it works. We’re a team. You know I’m always here and I know you’re always here too.
Your dreams are just as big as mine and yours are much more difficult to achieve, but it doesn’t matter because I know for a fact you will. You’re already an actress in my eyes, you don’t have to have been nominated for an Oscar or been part of a Hollywood blockbuster to be called an actress, an actress is someone who can give another’s mind, body and soul a voice and with that, bring it all to life and I’ve seen you do that.
You know for a fact, there is ton more I could write here but I don’t think I will, I just needed to put out to the world what an indescribable friend you are. I’m going to write you a letter actually for you to open on our last day of school.
Love L x
p.s. This is the first of a series of blogs about people who influence me in life.
Thank you.
...Yes, it’s her job to make people feel like this but for her to do this I just find indescribable… to save someone from themselves and make them feel alive. I feel as though I owe this wonderful woman a lifetime of ‘thank yous’. She has this unbelievable instinct with people, she knows exactly what to say and she will help no matter the situation. If it wasn’t for her over the past 6 months I think I would be a lost soul, having one path and that would have been a steep path down. But instead, I’m on the up, constantly. I find this impossible to be putting this into words as I don’t think anybody but I could imagine what she’s done, there’s one thing which proves what her ‘magic’ has done and that’s the beaming smile on my face now...
I'll never be able to say thank you enough.
L x
I'll never be able to say thank you enough.
L x
Thursday, 11 February 2010
Untitled.
I understand perfectly well that University is good for a person and in their time there they can grow in maturity, independence and intelligence. However, one thing I don’t believe is the pressure that is put on young people today to go as soon as they have finished school, barely adults, all is thought about is “freshers” week and how many shots you’ll be downing a night in the SU Bar. Why on earth are we almost forced to take this direction when the majority of people aren’t ready for the pressure, the workload and self-control of which it saps out of you and feeds off? Why do we dive into something when in the end it could quite simply, completely ruin our mental and physical balance/stability? These are my own personal views. In my opinion, University is something for those mature people, those mentally ready who unlike me won’t turn weak due to the undoubtedly large amount of pressure.
In my frame of mind right now, I don’t feel like going, so I shall defer my places and I think I’ll go when I feel ready and it feels right. I do not understand why people push themselves in to such decisions… as I did and regretted. This does not make me stupid or weak. With both my brother and sister having dropped out of University basically due to not enjoying student life it’s not something I exactly want to rush in to, which I am glad I’ve finally realised. My sister is in fact, without a degree, is going to the field of work she was originally interested in and I think she will be rather successful from it, she’s gaining training in social fields and it really suits her. My brother, he’s working at a call centre but he doesn’t really care, he’s happy, he has enough money to go travelling now and again and to get him by every day. I don’t really want to live on toast, in a dingy hole for 4 years of my life when I could quite easily get myself a decent job to bring in the money I need to train in the things I want to do.
All of this came from my Facebook status: “do I need to go to University to be a massage therapist, a kinesiologist, a florist… successful? No, I didn't think so.” These are the things of which I would love to do and intend to do, as well as travel around France and become fluent in the language I love so dearly. The thing is, in today’s world there are an extensive amount of courses available outside of that University world in anything you wish to do. So why would I go to University and get myself in a huge load of debt when I could do such courses quite cheaply? I admit, I will eventually go to University as I’ll need to for the depth I’d like to go in to for my French, but just not yet. I don’t need University to improve my French for now, I can do that quite easily my whisking myself off and enjoying the country, which, I would like to one day, call my second home. Also with the support of my own family I deep down believe that I could be successful in whatever I choose to do and the only reason for this belief is due to the passion I have for the things I care about. I will not stress, I will enjoy.
Yesterday evening I had my Health Kinesiology appointment, which was absolutely marvellous! We did a large group of powerful work (which I am still recovering from!!) Yet the most amazing thing, which happened, was at the very end when my kinesiologist got her ‘magical’ cards out. A card came up for me, and at the very end of the text it said something along the lines of “this card usually comes to those who are healers or will one day become healers” which I really had to hold back the tears for as I absolutely adore the feeling of when you just know deep down and through your bones that something, for a change, couldn’t be more perfect for you and you know that any decisions you make to do with that one thing can never go the wrong way because it’s what you are and were made to be and you can’t change that.
The point of this is to say that we shouldn’t give in to the pressures of society and those around us; we should do what we believe to be right and always follow our intuition… and our heart. You know that little voice in your head? Listen to it! It’s never wrong; it’s there for a reason.
I have to thank my parents for saying to me they don't mind what I do, just as long as I'm happy.
In my frame of mind right now, I don’t feel like going, so I shall defer my places and I think I’ll go when I feel ready and it feels right. I do not understand why people push themselves in to such decisions… as I did and regretted. This does not make me stupid or weak. With both my brother and sister having dropped out of University basically due to not enjoying student life it’s not something I exactly want to rush in to, which I am glad I’ve finally realised. My sister is in fact, without a degree, is going to the field of work she was originally interested in and I think she will be rather successful from it, she’s gaining training in social fields and it really suits her. My brother, he’s working at a call centre but he doesn’t really care, he’s happy, he has enough money to go travelling now and again and to get him by every day. I don’t really want to live on toast, in a dingy hole for 4 years of my life when I could quite easily get myself a decent job to bring in the money I need to train in the things I want to do.
All of this came from my Facebook status: “do I need to go to University to be a massage therapist, a kinesiologist, a florist… successful? No, I didn't think so.” These are the things of which I would love to do and intend to do, as well as travel around France and become fluent in the language I love so dearly. The thing is, in today’s world there are an extensive amount of courses available outside of that University world in anything you wish to do. So why would I go to University and get myself in a huge load of debt when I could do such courses quite cheaply? I admit, I will eventually go to University as I’ll need to for the depth I’d like to go in to for my French, but just not yet. I don’t need University to improve my French for now, I can do that quite easily my whisking myself off and enjoying the country, which, I would like to one day, call my second home. Also with the support of my own family I deep down believe that I could be successful in whatever I choose to do and the only reason for this belief is due to the passion I have for the things I care about. I will not stress, I will enjoy.
Yesterday evening I had my Health Kinesiology appointment, which was absolutely marvellous! We did a large group of powerful work (which I am still recovering from!!) Yet the most amazing thing, which happened, was at the very end when my kinesiologist got her ‘magical’ cards out. A card came up for me, and at the very end of the text it said something along the lines of “this card usually comes to those who are healers or will one day become healers” which I really had to hold back the tears for as I absolutely adore the feeling of when you just know deep down and through your bones that something, for a change, couldn’t be more perfect for you and you know that any decisions you make to do with that one thing can never go the wrong way because it’s what you are and were made to be and you can’t change that.
The point of this is to say that we shouldn’t give in to the pressures of society and those around us; we should do what we believe to be right and always follow our intuition… and our heart. You know that little voice in your head? Listen to it! It’s never wrong; it’s there for a reason.
I have to thank my parents for saying to me they don't mind what I do, just as long as I'm happy.
Monday, 1 February 2010
Strength
I think it's important to be physically strong however, I do believe that it is in fact, more important to be emotionally strong. Yet to be emotionally strong is not about being able to hold back the tears, to ignore someone's snide remark they've made to you or to try and keep it together when you're surrounded by complete madness! Emotional strength for me, is about being able to admit to yourself that things aren't going as well as they could be, recognising that change is needed, that you are allowed to speak up about problems and that at times... it is best to just call for help. Being strong is about excepting your weakness'.
I believe I've obtained over the past year, this type of strength I described. Like, Friday evening I realised that things were just getting too much for me, so I decided to back down and then today, book myself an HK appointment. Because I know for a fact that if I were to put on this tough image and act as though everything was absolutely perfect I would make myself weaker and weaker inside, because I wasn't facing the truth.
Next time you fight back the tears... don't. Let them run free, trickling down your face, one by one. Free yourself. Show weakness which in time will just make you stronger.
L x
I believe I've obtained over the past year, this type of strength I described. Like, Friday evening I realised that things were just getting too much for me, so I decided to back down and then today, book myself an HK appointment. Because I know for a fact that if I were to put on this tough image and act as though everything was absolutely perfect I would make myself weaker and weaker inside, because I wasn't facing the truth.
Next time you fight back the tears... don't. Let them run free, trickling down your face, one by one. Free yourself. Show weakness which in time will just make you stronger.
L x
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