Two months on...

I believe that, this is in fact the longest I have gone without an HK appointment since I started in September ’08! It’s the first time I haven’t thought “well, I didn’t tell her this…or that…I’m going to have to make another appointment…” or “why has this happened?! I have no idea what to do or what I am doing now!!!” This, for me, is rather astonishing. Within the past year, there seemed to always be something niggling away at my head, something pulling at my heart, something frustrating me, something upsetting me, or something confusing me. However, now… I feel as though whatever comes my way I’ll be able to fight it, I feel strong and just generally well, which are both highly powerful things. I really feel as though I miss HK right now, yet I know that there’s no need for it. There are the things that I do myself that my Kinesiologist showed me and they seem to keep me ticking along quite nicely.
To be frank, I have no idea where I’m going with this post but I felt the need to write about this as when I thought about it earlier today, I was overcome with joy and actually felt as though… I feel as though this is an achievement, for me, anyway. To become more dependent on yourself to sort out your own problems is… an incredible way to be and I’m glad that, it took over a year of HK sessions to get this way because, I appreciate it so much now.
Thinking positively is my key now… Instead of going “AH! I have soooo much work to do, there’s no time, I can’t do this!!” I say to myself “Only 5 months of this then you’re free to do as you please!” Wherever there is a negative, you can always find a positive… concentrate on that positive. Why bother thinking the negative when all it will do is make you feel, well… for me, worthless, upset and frustrated.
These 2 months have sped by and I know they will easily turn in to 4, 5, 6, then, 7… 7 months… I’ll be free from school… I’ll be 18. Wow. Yet I do know that for a fact I will book an HK appointment early May before my exams start, it’s exactly what I did last year and… it helped, it really did. It always does.



A few caring people, all taking part
This change in me of which has been like a flying dart.
Spinning and spinning I wasn't able to stop
You then crossed my path and that was the lot.

L x

P.s. Thank you.

Just a thought for you all.

Love... isn't perfect. Yet, isn't it the imperfections which make things so beautiful?



Hope you've had a good weekend,

L x

Smiley.

I felt like posting again. I've gone to the point of over tiredness, came to bed with stomach cramps... stupid Norovirus has found its way to our house, as most things! But yes anyway, the point is I do not care as I've just watched "Last Chance Harvey" and it just, it made me smile, truly from inside out because... you know when you watch a film? And all you see is yourself and that other person you think about... too much... then you just sigh at the end of the film because it seems like complete magic? That's how it made me feel. I recommend that EVERYBODY watches this film. It's beautiful. It shows London not as the city of commerce and finance, as most see it, but a city of LOVE.



However, give me Paris any day...



...I walked into this room of "L'Opéra Garnier" and not a word passed my lips.

Night,

L x

The... MELTDOWN

From time to time we all have those moments where we just don’t think we’re worthy enough or strong enough to complete tasks we’ve started and even nearly finished. This is basically what happened to me a couple of days ago and I kind of feel like sharing it as I think it proves the power of our own minds.
Well the meltdown began with me trying to draw a self-portrait for my Art project, where I got so frustrated with myself I ended up throwing the sketchbook across my room and sitting on my floor rather like a three year old having an obscene and unnecessary tantrum over the most pathetic of things, crying my eyes out. By this point I was thinking myself a complete failure and the only thoughts going through my mind were “I cannot do this anymore!!!” and “Why can’t I go to France NOW and just be happy?!”… Both good enough reasons for me to just quit school, well they aren’t reeeaaally, but they felt it at the time. This led to me messaging my very best friend telling her that I can’t do this, I need to get away and that I need some HK… she told me to “shut up” I believe (amongst many other good points as per usual) and that’s exactly what… I didn’t do. Throughout the past year, during my Kinesiology sessions one thing that crept up over and over was that I find it rather impossible to open up to those close to me… as I hate feeling as though I’m being a burden and going to drag someone down with me whenever I have a problem so I would usually just keep it all under lock and key. However, this time I decided to speak up – mind you, this was after going downstairs, quickly making myself a cup of tea, staring out the back door crying, shouting at my parents, making some snide remark and slamming many a doors on my way – so I went back downstairs with my head down… gave my Mum a hug and spoke to her, yet she went to say things that I didn’t want to hear so hurried back upstairs only to have her shouting me back down again, so that’s where I went and got some marvelous advice.
So, to click myself out of this, I made myself a list of everything I had to do, then made a list of everything I wanted to do in my Gap Year then went on to thinking about my “Resolutions” blog and whilst doing these, having some 70’s/80’s feel good music on in the background… I reorganised myself.
By the time I was in bed that evening, that day I had woken up feeling on top of the world, to a complete mess then to going to bed smiling. I realise that now I can click myself out of such moods, mind you it takes a while but I don’t allow myself to stay in that place! Why should we let our demons defeat us when, really… it’s not that hard to knock them straight out of the window! No one knows our own minds better than ourselves, so in the end it is only you that can put yourself back up there. There’s always other factors that can help, such as; a huge mug of hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows (!), a hug or cuddle from someone who cares, possibly an HK appointment, organising your mind and what you’re doing in the day, sending an email saying everything you feel to someone who doesn’t mind reading your negative thoughts but don’t ask for a reply or solutions as you need to figure it out!
The only reason I can now do this is because of Health Kinesiology I believe and the way it’s made me understand how my own mind works and I appreciate this when I have pointless meltdowns, which would have usually last for daaaaays but now maybe just a couple of hours.
We know what we want, we know what to do and we know it’s right… We just need to take a step through the door.

Or just look through the window...



Enjoy the rest of the weekend,

L x

One more thing...

...for this evening.

I just came across this on the blog of Whitney Port star of the MTV show The City, here is an email of which she received from her boss Kelly Cutrone:

"ONE: Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
TWO: Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE: Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR: When you say, 'I love you ,' mean it.
FIVE: When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.
SIX: Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN: Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT: Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
NINE: Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN: In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN: Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE: Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN: When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'
FOURTEEN: Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN: Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN: When you lose, don't lose the lesson !
SEVENTEEN: Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN: Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship..
NINETEEN When you realise you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
TWENTY: Smile when picking up the phone.. The caller will hear it in your voice..
TWENTY-ONE: Spend some time alone."

THAT is what I call amazing. She comes across as one scary woman but by the sounds of that, she really has a heart of gold!

Sweet dreams all,

L x

Life Goals...Yearly Goals...Whatever really...

This post is basically a follow up from the “Resolutions” one. Resolutions are in my opinion, just tasks we set ourselves for the New Year where as, goals are much greater! Goals are something of which you aspire to for as long as it takes to complete them… That’s what they are to me anyway. They are there to inspire me.
Some of my life goals… Number one has to be, to become fluent in French as from the age of 3 when I first visited France with my family when I apparently said, “when I’m older I want a café in France” … I can’t remember this but it’s something that is glued to every single feeling that runs through my body. It’s a struggle… learning another language, even though I’ve been to France every single year since the age of 3 (except last year!!! But we did have French girls to stay with us!!!) I still battle with coming to grips with some of the basics. But the point is I battle and will continue battling until I win! I’ve thought about giving it up but then something seems to yank at my heart, a feeling of regret and disappointment, I don’t see how I can give it up when those kinds of feelings become apparent whenever these thoughts make their way into my head. I’ve had my confidence knocked horribly whilst doing my French also, as last year whilst on holiday I got my exam results… read over the phone to me… to hear that I got a D(!!) in it. Well I got back to school and didn’t, to be quite frank, feel as though I was able to do this year. However, I really feel as though through HK and me sorting my own head out and organising my time better I’m on my way to better results this summer… well, I hope so at least! Now I truly hope that I haven’t just jinxed myself!
Number two of my life goals… to become a Health Kinesiologist or quite simply just someone who can be there for people helping day in and day out. I don’t know when I will do this, maybe when I’m a lot older or maybe after University, I’m unsure but I know it’s something I will do in my life, and that’s a promise I’ve made to myself. I feel as though being able to help someone in their life, or even to make someone smile when they can’t remember the last they did so is one of THE most humbling qualities a person could ever have!
My main problem is when it comes to goals is that there are so many things I would like to do and try in my life! Like… I would absolutely love going to Paris and training as a florist or being a true “Vianne Rocher” and working in a chocolaterie! I would like to have a go at writing, having my own business, Aromatherapy, being a masseuse… the list goes on I tell you!!! So I think my goal would be to try everything I possibly can. I think a Groucho Marx quote is rather appropriate right now:

“I'm going to live forever...or die trying!”

As well as life goals, I’ve set myself some goals this year; to pass my A Levels feeling proud of myself and meaning that I get into the University I want, start a full time job in the summer, read my HK, Crystal Healing and Aromatherapy books cover to cover and to start playing the guitar again.

My main goal of the year… to keep a smile on my face.



L x

Happiness & Love...

What a title, doesn’t it just make you smile reading those words? Well… it does me anyway!
Happiness… as I sit writing this there’s a song playing in the background, one which as soon as I hear those first few notes my heart skips about all over the place and I then breathe a sigh of relief. The song? “Open Your Eyes” by Snow Patrol, the song which I call “my Paris song”, other than the fact that the video is set on the streets of Paris, a car driving and driving until finally they arrive at the Sacre Coeur, looking over that wonderful breath-taking view I’ve seen so many times in my life and feel the need to see it again and again and again… because… it never gets old. This was also the song I played over and over on my trip to Paris in April 2006… the year I also managed to go there twice… this trip was actually a Christmas present to my Mum and I from my Dad and what a gift it was. I believe it was this year that I become utterly besotted with Paris, the city of lights and for me… dreams. I love Paris.
Happiness to me is something that is in fact indescribable, how could you possibly describe an emotion of which can make you feel higher than ever before. This is a necessity to me in life, happiness, and without it well, I’ve felt it, haven’t we all? I don’t understand how people can let themselves be unhappy, whether it be generally in their life, in a career, at school, in a relationship or whatever because there’s always a positive that can be found… this makes me think of a beautiful quote my friend once sent me:

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but we often look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.”

This is a true statement in my opinion and I could easily give you reason upon reason for why so, but I think you can make your mind up about that one.

Love?! Well, such a strong word… love is something I feel when I think of my family, extremely strong and special ties with friends, those who have offered help and support; from my Kinesiologist to my yr3 teacher to my French teacher. I however have yet to feel that love for the opposite sex of which everyone seems to rave on about, I’m sure my time will come though, it’s a matter of finding the right person. Love is also felt for certain incredibly stunning and dreamy places in the world... like these ...




... the Blue Mountains of Australia and Musée d'Orsay, Paris.

Love is however not just this overpowering emotion that we feel for another being or a place but also, to me I see love as a tree… there in the middle of these branches lays love, amongst passion, friendship, family, kindness, affection, sadness, determination, strength, appreciation, admiration, care and lust. We all depict love completely differently. What is love to me? What is that feeling? Love is that feeling of utter joy when you know that as long as you carry on feeling that way, if something goes wrong, that love will be there to put you back on your feet. Love is dream. Love is real. Love is what you make it.

The power of love and happiness is a completely different matter. How can that one be explained? I have no idea! But I know for sure I definitely feel it right now. Whatever it is… it picks me up.

I'm certain I could have wrote a better blog than this with this topic however how do you describe and write about such powerful emotions?

"Even after all this time the Sun never says to the Earth 'you owe me' Look what happens with a love like that. It lights the whole sky..."

Think about that one.

L x

*Thanks to Billy for the topic and Gracie for the quotes x

Any resolutions for the year?

Well, I danced my way into the New Year, with not a care in the world but this bizarre emotion running through my bones that I was leaving behind a life-changing year. Due to last year I also went into the New Year with no resolutions, which is very strange as I usually tell myself “I’ll become a better person” or what not, but I didn’t feel as though this was necessary with the mission of getting through the next six months of exams, revision and copious amounts of Art work, which will probably end up taking over my life for the time being, so I can’t even think about making resolutions for myself! However, I have goals, which I set for myself last year that need to carried with me until I complete them… which I promised myself WILL happen! But it came to the 2nd January and something wasn’t right and I felt in need of an HK appointment but the thing is, there was nothing wrong with me! So I ignored it, then I came up with my resolution for the year; to become more dependent and only even think about having a HK appointment when absolutely necessary, this probably sounds stupid when I’ve said how it’s changed and helped me so much in the past year but I need to make myself a stronger person this year, prepare myself for the gap year and after that, University. This is due to the fact that I came to a conclusion that I didn’t want to go to University still feeling like a teenager but an adult, being emotionally mature as well as mature in my personality. So that’s about it for resolutions.

If you fancy it, comment with your resolutions and how you're going to go about acheiving them.

A blog on life goals shall be coming up next.

Enjoy your evening,

L x

Well,

I just thought of another thing that makes me smile, hanging out of my window and going to the park to take photos...







L x

Oh la.

Well, thanks to a very wonderful friend of mine, I now have a little plan in motion, starting not this week but the week after, I shall be posting a short blog every couple of days on each appointment I had and how I felt before and after... as well as other bits and bobs!!


Night all,

L x

Me?

Okay, so this topic was suggested so I'm going to give it a shot!
So right now, I feel like doing this...


...ALL of the time! Why you ask? Because, I can't remember the last time I felt thirsty! No kidding, if someone said to me... what's your secret? My reply... I drinks tons of water! Well... I do now at least, which means I'm on a constant high and when I don't drink my water well then, it's rather serious I have to say! I didn't know the power of keeping yourself hydrated - loads of energy, better concentration and I have to say in the past year since I've been drinking more, I've lost quite a bit of weight and just feel healthy... so get out that pint glass and no, don't fill it with beer, all you need to do is turn on the tap!
(I have to thank my Kinesiologist for this!)

Anyhow, I shall stop with my recommendations.

So, more about me? Okay well... the things that make me smile; HK (obviously!), going to a HK appointment feeling absolutely rubbish then the door opens and I know everything will be fine, putting the rose quartz around my neck in the morning, the smell of lavander on my pillow at night, sat looking out of my window drinking peppermint tea, feeling as though I've achieved something, going to sleep at night knowing that I've helped someone in some way or made someone smile, recieving lovely emails, my beautiful perfect god daughter, spontaneous walks around the park with the doggies, my family, tea in Regent House with Darling S, lyrics that can make you cry or feel full of joy liiike:

And I took you by the hand
And we stood tall,
And remembered our own land,
What we lived for.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

So why HK for the future? I'm going to fetch out my little notebook for this one... my very secret notebook!! Okay, so I'm one of those people who, if it feels right then I'll go for it and if it feels wrong then I stay away. But there's something about this that feels right and as though I could spend every single minute, of every single hour of every single day talking about this and I've never really felt like that before. I believe though that this therapy has helped me beyond belief and having done that, I want people to feel the exact same as I do, like they have a second chance, that sparkle back in their eye and that spring back in their step! I know something that will sum this up, a few lines from my personal statement:

In the future I see myself working as a teacher or as a therapist, helping people, with education or a particularly difficult situation in their life and I know this will be a vital aspect of my career. To hold the power to change someone's life for the better is such an amazing and humbling quality to have and also a great responsibility.

Hope you all have a good week and don't forget to drink lots of water!

L x

Reflection.

Okay SO I realise that I am only a 17 year old girl... and I'm talking about these feelings of panic and worry and fading. Aren't 17 year olds just meant to have fun? ... That's what people say anyway and that's what I planned on doing until I took a step back from everything I was doing and had a whole 12 weeks to reflect. Many of you would probably think this is a bad thing and at the time I thought it was also. But if you reflect on events in your life which you feel have knocked you but you just decided to get back up and carry on... it's not a good thing! This is exactly what I did. Personally, a big problem is that people aren't facing and don't face up to things which are causing, I suppose a discomfort in their lives... You know that feeling inside you get when something is wrong? But you do it anyway? You should listen to your body, trust yourself!
Basically, that's what I'm saying... through Health Kinesiology I have learnt and am learning to trust myself, my own intuition and when I do listen to myself, I'm a lot happier and generally feel good about things. Whether it be a nagging feeling in your head or even your heart or a health issue, you should listen to your body and if you struggle... do what I did and find an alternative... Health Kinesiology.

Choices choices choices!!!

Okay, so it must have been around April '09 that I began getting rather bogged down about my unclear future... unsure of where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do.
I'd had an HK appointment in March, the last one of the group of work we started in January and the last thing that was done was a detox and many of the essences used symbolised being stuck at a crossroad and getting over hurdles in life. Once we had finished, my Kinesiologist asked if I knew about the 'crossroad' and yes I did, because this was around the time that the whole "what are you wanting to do at University?" question started coming up a lot in lessons at school... a question which was setting off alarms in my head! But then, a suggestion was made... one that pretty much saved me from going crazy with all the 'what ifs?' and ' I could do this..' I was thinking... A suggestion which I took forward in April.
My Kinesiologist simply told me that she could test out of my options which ones would suit me best - mind, body and spirit... so this is what she did. Fascinating. Obviously she couldn't just ask "What should Lydia do?" as that isn't the way HK works - it's like a binary system, there's two answers...yes or no...which means precise questioning. So for an example... one of my options was should I take a gap year in France which came out 98% out of 100! You know what... that's exactly what I am going to do next year and, it feels right. When I thought we'd finished and my Kinesiologist asked if there was anything else my body responded yes. I just couldn't think of what it could be then I thought... I told her and it was right, I hadn't stopped thinking about this need I have to help people so she tested if that's a necessity in my future and it came out 99% out of 100. I feel as though that needed to be tested to reassure myself that what I was doing was the right thing.
Also through this "Choice Testing" I found out, where abouts would be best for me to go to University, where to live and also what type of therapy to study after University! After feeling so confused and unsure, after this testing I felt over the moon and I had a direction to go in. It made me more determined than ever. I also told a friend about this, who, went on to have the same thing done and she's now very happy in what she's doing and it feels right. Health Kinesiology... anything is possible.

......

What happened next, you ask?

I carried on the HK until December, as my body had told the kinesiologist I only needed four appointments. I felt alive, as though I'd won and like never before. December was fantastic...then it came to the New Year, the 2nd of January 2009 I emailed my kinesiologist as I had began feeling worried, panicked and just... like I was fading I suppose, feelings which I was afraid of, the feeling of fading is the worse, as though you're not there any more and it's just this shell you seem to be carrying about. I didn't know why this was happening, Christmas wasn't great really... my cousin was in hospital, sister in Australia and my cousin's fiancée had recently had a miscarriage. I thought I was coping until I woke up in the New Year, expecting to feel incredible and as though this would be my year... except the complete opposite happened. I didn't know who else to turn to or what else to turn to and felt as though the only way to abandon this feeling was to restart HK. So, I had another appointment around the 17th January '09 and we spoke about everything, what and why things had turned upside down again. Once again, I felt safe lying on that couch, like this was working. Apparently my feeling of fabulousness hadn't lasted due to the disruptions I mentioned before. Three appointments later and once again I was above the clouds, floating in this sea of happiness where no waves would or could harm me and... they didn't. Once again, knowing that my kinesiologist was at the other end of the phone helped an awful lot and knowing that I could just send her an email to tell her how I was going.
This was the beginning of me learning to love this new being... not completely new but just someone who hadn't been here for a while.