Well the meltdown began with me trying to draw a self-portrait for my Art project, where I got so frustrated with myself I ended up throwing the sketchbook across my room and sitting on my floor rather like a three year old having an obscene and unnecessary tantrum over the most pathetic of things, crying my eyes out. By this point I was thinking myself a complete failure and the only thoughts going through my mind were “I cannot do this anymore!!!” and “Why can’t I go to France NOW and just be happy?!”… Both good enough reasons for me to just quit school, well they aren’t reeeaaally, but they felt it at the time. This led to me messaging my very best friend telling her that I can’t do this, I need to get away and that I need some HK… she told me to “shut up” I believe (amongst many other good points as per usual) and that’s exactly what… I didn’t do. Throughout the past year, during my Kinesiology sessions one thing that crept up over and over was that I find it rather impossible to open up to those close to me… as I hate feeling as though I’m being a burden and going to drag someone down with me whenever I have a problem so I would usually just keep it all under lock and key. However, this time I decided to speak up – mind you, this was after going downstairs, quickly making myself a cup of tea, staring out the back door crying, shouting at my parents, making some snide remark and slamming many a doors on my way – so I went back downstairs with my head down… gave my Mum a hug and spoke to her, yet she went to say things that I didn’t want to hear so hurried back upstairs only to have her shouting me back down again, so that’s where I went and got some marvelous advice.
So, to click myself out of this, I made myself a list of everything I had to do, then made a list of everything I wanted to do in my Gap Year then went on to thinking about my “Resolutions” blog and whilst doing these, having some 70’s/80’s feel good music on in the background… I reorganised myself.
By the time I was in bed that evening, that day I had woken up feeling on top of the world, to a complete mess then to going to bed smiling. I realise that now I can click myself out of such moods, mind you it takes a while but I don’t allow myself to stay in that place! Why should we let our demons defeat us when, really… it’s not that hard to knock them straight out of the window! No one knows our own minds better than ourselves, so in the end it is only you that can put yourself back up there. There’s always other factors that can help, such as; a huge mug of hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows (!), a hug or cuddle from someone who cares, possibly an HK appointment, organising your mind and what you’re doing in the day, sending an email saying everything you feel to someone who doesn’t mind reading your negative thoughts but don’t ask for a reply or solutions as you need to figure it out!
The only reason I can now do this is because of Health Kinesiology I believe and the way it’s made me understand how my own mind works and I appreciate this when I have pointless meltdowns, which would have usually last for daaaaays but now maybe just a couple of hours.
We know what we want, we know what to do and we know it’s right… We just need to take a step through the door.
Or just look through the window...
Enjoy the rest of the weekend,
L x
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