......

What happened next, you ask?

I carried on the HK until December, as my body had told the kinesiologist I only needed four appointments. I felt alive, as though I'd won and like never before. December was fantastic...then it came to the New Year, the 2nd of January 2009 I emailed my kinesiologist as I had began feeling worried, panicked and just... like I was fading I suppose, feelings which I was afraid of, the feeling of fading is the worse, as though you're not there any more and it's just this shell you seem to be carrying about. I didn't know why this was happening, Christmas wasn't great really... my cousin was in hospital, sister in Australia and my cousin's fiancée had recently had a miscarriage. I thought I was coping until I woke up in the New Year, expecting to feel incredible and as though this would be my year... except the complete opposite happened. I didn't know who else to turn to or what else to turn to and felt as though the only way to abandon this feeling was to restart HK. So, I had another appointment around the 17th January '09 and we spoke about everything, what and why things had turned upside down again. Once again, I felt safe lying on that couch, like this was working. Apparently my feeling of fabulousness hadn't lasted due to the disruptions I mentioned before. Three appointments later and once again I was above the clouds, floating in this sea of happiness where no waves would or could harm me and... they didn't. Once again, knowing that my kinesiologist was at the other end of the phone helped an awful lot and knowing that I could just send her an email to tell her how I was going.
This was the beginning of me learning to love this new being... not completely new but just someone who hadn't been here for a while.